Song Of a The Day: Leontyne Price - O patria mia.
A follower of mines emailed me this, interesting, issue he is currently battling. Here’s the issue & my opinion on how to solve it.
The Issue: So probably for the last 3 years I’ve been single but now I’m thinking about stepping into the dating pool. I’ve always had this one problem…a. Every friend or associate that is a girl is drop dead gorgeous but were are always “friends”, we know EVERYTHING about each other… B. feelings come out and no one acknowledges it, a kiss here and there but nothing. I’m not dying to get in a relationship at that moment being that I work full time between 2 hospitals and I’m a full time nursing student in school, I’d like to think I’m attractive, studious, Christ fearing, I have my own things but one day I would like to be in one, any tips to get past the “friends” level…AND TO THICKEN THE PLOT…i used to be gay and honestly i have no desire to be with a man at this point i keep getting attention from them…i was in a bad relationship with one and it didn’t go so well, so it let an indelible mark on me..so while i prefer a female i don’t what i really should do..your help would be greatly appreciated.
The Solution: First I’d like to thank you for trusting me with such a personally vulnerable issue and I’m elated that my opinion on it carries weight with you. Now that the formalities are out of the way I think we first must address the “used to be gay” thing. Now as you and I know sexuality is diverse. The dial on the Kinsey scale can be moved up and down freely but you can never turn sexual preference off. So the idea that you can turn off your same sex attraction, albeit your right to state, is not psychologically possible. I regret that you had a bad experience previously but I think we have to deal in reality rather it be males or females that you are looking to attract you have to first find your authentic self. People can sense and tend to hate inauthentic behaviors. So I would first encourage you to find, and realize who you truly are. How you see yourself and your attractions has a great affect on who you find attractive & who’s attracted to you. As for my advice on how to move past the friend zone I think clarity fixes that issue. Be clear and decisive when it comes to your intentions. If you meet someone or even if you have past history with an individual being clear on what you want, who you want it with, what you bring to the table & finally what you’re willing to do to maintain it once you have it is critical. I hope I was able to help you out here brother & I want to encourage you to self reflect before anything. Stay Blessed,
Marriage equality, much like all equalities, are the great equalizers. The rights that we understand are basic to all human beings.
Unfortunately, we have allowed religion, hate, and mostly fear to deter us from emphasizing that all members of the human race rather they’re white, black, gay, straight, female or transgendered deserve to partake in all fundamentally human experiences.
From the very revolution that spawned this country’s existence there’s been a need of the government and it’s wealthy and conservative citizens to control any populace that they don’t see themselves in.
From pre-reconstruction until the 1960’s it was people of color under that lens of disenfranchisement. Some may argue even now, but due to the work of everyone from Fredrick Douglass to Marcus Garvey to Dr.King we are in a place now that would be visually and mentally beyond anything our ancestors could comprehend.
Beginning with Stonewall to the marriage equality fights of today, the LGBT community has been the new target.
Trying to in some way corral the “undesirables” has been more the American way than any pursuit of happiness the constitution says we have.
Marriage can be defined simply as a social union or LEGAL contract between two consenting people.
Somehow we have allowed the venue where weddings are typically held to micromanage the legality of matrimony.
This happened with anti-miscegenation and only 45 years ago, due to Loving V. Virginia, can you now marry whatever race you so choose. This is because government stepped in and implemented the law and not social opinion.
We also need more visible warriors in the cause. Supporting marriage equality is more than saying it, taking NOH8 photos or retweeting the equality flag on twitter. Change takes action now it’s time to see just how much we want this change.
Thank you @Nalexzsmith for the 20 amazing & diverse questions!
1. What is your thoughts on Frank Ocean?
He’s a dope artist & a New Orleans native as I am so off of that alone he’s A1 in my eyes but more so for being one of the very few artist of color who has stepped in their truth unapologetically! There’s so many that die in the proverbial “closet” and I respect him for escaping it.
2. Do you go for looks/personality or integrity when vou are looking someone to date?
When looking for someone to date I go off of our chemistry. How comfortable they are around me and vice versa. I look to see who they are overall. A person can be externally beautiful yet internally hideous. I’ll go for internal beauty over anything.
3. What makes you smile?
That’s easy. Seeing my son growing into a man.
4. How would you address the gun control debate?
There is absolutely no reason for citizens of a developed country to have access to 30 round clips! I think people fear any of the amendments being changed in any way because they believe that brings them one step closer to losing the right altogether. I feel people have abused this right and have become accustomed to having access to as many guns and whatever types and it needs to be corralled.
5. Are you private by choice or by design?
6. What is your favorite cologne?
My favorite cologne varies by the season. My two favorite right now are Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue & Tom Ford Noir.
7. Who is your favorite author?
J.California Cooper is to me the best literary mind to ever exist.
8. What is the last good thing you’ve read? Book, magazine or newspaper article.
Just finished reading a book called Property by Valerie Martin. A slave tale told from the view of the mistress. It’s not at all what you’d a expect. A great read.
9. What do you want to change about yourself/the world?
I want to change the fact that I’m so stubborn. So many things I’d like to change about the world but the ultimate thing would be to have no children go to bed hungry, unclothed, homeless, & unloved.
10. Random: How tall are you?
11. What childhood lesson did you learn that you still take heed to now?
Treat others as you’d like to be treated.
12. What is an automatic turnoff?
No respect for your self or your body. That means excessive drinking, smoking, & promiscuity.
13. Name your top 5 favorite spots to travel to.
St.Kitts & Nevis
14. Do you support Obama more or less now?
I support him more now because he needs it more now than ever.
15. Do you think your attractive or just a regular man?
I think I’m Montrell Mathieu and that’s exactly who I should be.
16. Name a pet peeve.
People who talk while eating!
17. Why do you think the Pope retired?
Personally I believe the papacy should never go to people so aged because not only are they just worn out from a life of service they may have alot of dirt to be uncovered.
That’s all I’ll say.
18. What is your favorite thing to cook out eat if you can’t cook?
Favorite thing to cook is grilled boneless pork chops. I have a tarragon and orange sauce that’s crazy!
19. What is the most common misconception people have about you?
That I’m mean. Because I’m very honest and direct people constantly assume I’m a mean person but I just say Im passionately blunt when it comes to certain things.
20. If you could speak to United States, what would be the top 3 things you would address?
Lack of adequate leadership and how do we overthrough them!
You want to experience an abundant life. So maybe you’ve been trying to manifest happiness—with affirmations, prayer and even by making many changes in your life,…but what you want still isn’t showing up. So it makes you wonder…does this even work? Why am I still feeling so sad when I’m trying to manifest a better experience?
Consider these 3 roadblocks that might be holding you back from your own happiness:
1. You’re looking for evidence
You might have created a scenario in your life where you need evidence first to convince yourself that you can be happy and abundant.
But when you need evidence before you can be, then belief is not the leading factor. Belief needs to lead the way. Believe that you can be happy.
2. You just want to feel better.
Maybe you’re trying to create something different so you can feel better and get out of the place that you are in.
Do you feel uncomfortable or stuck right now? You first need to accept your feelings and accept where you are. Trying to manifest something so you don’t have to feel feelings only keeps you stuck.
3. You’re trying to work your way to happiness.
You’ve made many changes, but what you want most still isn’t showing up. Consider that you might be addicted to the doing—working to create changes that you think will make you happy.
It is tempting to think that with all the changes, you must be practicing a new way of being, right? But all your striving and thinking doesn’t change that your underlying feelings have stayed in the same place.
Happiness is a high-vibration feeling, not an event that you arrive at. And happiness begins with love. When you get to the place of accepting divine love and loving yourself, that’s when everything else will start to follow.
The idea behind the famous, better yet, infamous New Year’s Resolution is to set a goal and complete it. The issue is that most people drop the things they’ve resolved themselves to do rather rapidly.
The hype clears and so does the motivation to complete the task.
I noticed while thinking on this subject that this is much like the declination of healthy relationships.
The idea of having someone, the thrill of the chase, and the satisfaction in catching what you were chasing is all exhilarating for most of us, but what happens afterwards?
Often times we get bored with it and start looking for that next hit to our endorphins. We have to feel that excitement again and don’t realize we can recreate that every day with the person sitting right across from us.
The concept of monogamous love is boring to most however love is most people’s life long addiction.
It’s the thing we constantly pursue no matter how much bad or good luck with we have with it.
So it’s almost a contradiction that love would ever be boring.
That we would treat it as one of those resolutions we never quite resolve.
I want to challenge you all to stick with, amongst the many other resolutions, to lose weight or making this your year the idea of finding love and maintaing that evasive thrill.
Join ME on the #30DayLoveTest here’s how!
• Find out what you’re honestly requiring and what you bring to the table.
• Understand there are frogs out there but don’t let that deter you from finding your Prince/Princess.
• Be your own person! Stop following the requirements of others about who and how you should love.
• Lastly, open your mind to other possibilities. Consider things that are out of your environmental preference. Try to connect with like minded people despite trivial preferences.
Try this for a month. Tweet #30DayLoveTest to update me on your progress! @MisterMathieu
Assuming people in the LGBT community are only sexual beings rather than complex people who have, other than their sexuality, relatively non-homosexual ideals is idiotic.
However if assuming that mindset is idiotic the LGBT community then has to accept its role in perpetuating the idiocy.
The oversexualization of this group of people has hindered it’s acceptance mainly by its own sword.
Being reduced to what you do behind closed doors is perhaps never as evident as it is amongst LGBT people because what’s presented to mainstream America is an oversexualized group of people that are overtly open about it.
A community where “Can I come chill” is synonymous with “Let’s have sex” says enough in itself.
But is this solely a misrepresentation of homosexual culture?
If so why is it so common place?
I’m not alluding that every interaction you have with same sex attracted individuals means they want to take you down or anything to the contrary the LGBT eye is extremely discerning.
I simply pose to you could it be something you’re doing. Something you’re contributing to the reduction of your community and its valid request to be treated civilly.
Often times anything LGBT people do directly correlates to their sexuality in the mainstream mindset.
How do you change that?
This has created an unnecessary fear. People are afraid of what they don’t understand and even more so they persecute and extend controlling laws to keep those people that frighten them at bay.
What responsibility do you have to yourself and the people after to change this perception?
I won’t direct you either way but what is known undoubtedly is that the change begins at home.
So many times we allow what we assume to be, be all there is. There’s no room made for us to be wrong or for the other person to have an explanation. All we see in that moment is ASSUMPTION in blinking red lights.
I can’t explain to you how many times I’ve heard “You’re attractive but I didn’t know you were smart.” or “You don’t look like the type….” to do this or say that as if my looks render me void of any logical thinking or the capability to take advantage of the education, academic & worldly, I’ve received.
Have you ever been told you couldn’t simply because of who you are? Furthermore how did you take the news? Did you accept it as true or rebel against it?
Guess you know by now what I’d do.
The thing that naysayers want most is for you to adopt their issues as your own!
What you have to do is understand that their issues with you or what you are doing is just that, THEIR issues. Don’t adjust who you are to appease or hide who you are to protect anyone.
You only have this moment to live and if those that are close now become distant later because of you living your truth you’ve eliminated a lot of future heartache because those are people who as my grandmother says “Don’t smell the scent of your shit until they get a good whiff.”
Meaning as long as you’re living how they like its fine but the second you have the audacity to be your true self they can’t get with you.
Now I’m not saying acting out is what people should do, to the contrary I believe people should live respectfully. What I refer to when I say live your truth is if you’re LGBT, be that, if you are attracted to people that aren’t the same race as you, do that!
Don’t let the world dictate your happiness. Stop stressing about what the outside will think and concentrate more on how you view yourself.
Email me questions you’d like my advice on, story suggestions, or ideas on things you’d like me to speak on to MisterMathieu86@gmail.com or Montrell@themansguidetoliving.org
First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes the inevitable decline into boredom, stale sex routines and constant bickering. Or so says every popular television show featuring American family life.
From TV shows like “Modern Family” to as far back as “The Honeymooners,” Hollywood wants us to believe that long-term, committed relationships are the opposite of sexy.
And, as the divorce rate in our country testifies, Hollywood has us convinced. Most Americans consider long-term monogamy to be the equivalent of cruel and unusual punishment.
However, I have also found the opposite to be true, people want their relationships/marriages to work.
They desperately want to live happily ever after. They just don’t know how. As more time goes by and the relationship becomes more off-track, they begin to lose hope, until they eventually just give up on the relationship period.
You know the old saying “Be the change you want to see in the world”? Well, as bulshitty as that might sound, it’s true … especially in relationships. You can’t expect to see change in your relationship if you don’t put change into effect.
For instance, if you want more romance in your relationship, then create that romance. If you are seeking more love and patience from your partner, then give your partner more love and patience. The world can only give to you what you give to it, so if you give your partner dissatisfaction, irritability and bitterness, you will get that in return. But if you give your partner love, understanding and appreciation, you will get that back as well!
It’s tempting to look at your relationship only from your point of view, from which stance it is easy to see all the things your partner is doing wrong. Instead, try to see things through your partner’s eyes. For instance, you complain that they aren’t attentive enough to your needs, but when was the last time you went out of your way to be there for them?
Own your 100 percent of the problems in your relationship. When it comes to lack of communication and woes, it really does take two to tango. Step back and recognize how you are contributing to the problems in your relationship, and then make the necessary steps to improve your own behavior.
This sounds like a given, but it is amazing how many people sit around and complain about their sex lives, yet do nothing to improve them!
If you want a more exciting and passionate sex life, then make the first move. Initiate sexual contact.
Yes, it can be a little intimidating at first, especially if you never initiated sexual contact in the past. However, if you realize that this could mean the difference between staying with your partner or continuing to drift apart, that will give you the extra push you need.
Sex isn’t some minor component in a relationship. It is a building block of trust, intimacy and emotional connection, and without it, your relationship will flounder.
Talk about what you want (in a positive manner)
In other words, don’t tell your partner what is lacking in your relationship (such as “You never pay attention to me when I talk”). Instead, tell your partner what you want (such as “I want to feel like you listen to me”).
By taking a complaint and turning it into a request, your communication will not get derailed by the blame game. Instead of immediately going on the defensive, your partner will be able to hear your needs with an open mind.
If you want to rediscover your romance and fall in love with your partner again, make it a priority high on your to-do list. Commit to “dating” your partner, and write the friends a rain check!
Your relationship is the cornerstone of your home, so don’t feel guilty about putting your spouse before your friends.
It is possible to rekindle a dying/boring romance all you need to do is bring the spark!